ChangeOfTimesx's Xanga

People at school suck.

Mon, 14 May 2007 00:17:38 GMT

End of story.

Happy Birthday to me.. I got a lot of things. 0.o

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 20:01:40 GMT

So I should be getting my glasses next week.
I guess it's not so bad to wear them.

Anyway.
My birthday was Thursday. =]]
I walked into school, and they sang Happy Birthday to me. And then I went up to my locker, only to find that it was literally covered over in decorations from my friends. =P I could barely open it without the paper ripping just a little bit. Then when I finally got it open I found a little bag inside with a turtle inside it.. from Megan. =] I like turtles. Hehe. But you know.. people walking in and out of the school and the hallways.. they saw my locker. Yeah, it was better than anyone elses', that's fer sher. Haha. It was a half day, and we had won some pizza party, which we had that day. And then that's when the whole class sang to me. =]] Then on the bus all the little people sang to me too. HA.
When I got home, I found a balloon, flowers, a teddy bear that plays the Happy Birthday song with a pocket that had $40 from my parents. Then I got another $40 from my grandparents. So that's $80. My brother didn't get me anything.. oh well.
I basically got like 98726023452 birthday comments, PLUS a voice comment from Beckish and Carla, PLUS I got to talk to Drea on the phone, which totally made my day. She also said she owes me a present. Haha. =]
I went to church last night, which is when I should have had my party, but since Drea, Macu, and Val weren't there I've delayed it a week. So.. April 13th, my church, downstairs, after the service, with Drea, Macu, Val, Bri, Sam, Miguelindo, Kevin, Bryan, and everyone else. Be there. =P [and yesterday we played the service without John and Jackie, which was ultimately amazing. it wasn't that hard.. i mean, we've done it a million times before in the past few years.]
Also, it was so cool.. it snowed, rained, AND was really sunny all in the same day.. my birthday! Which was so ironic, because the same exact thing happened last year on my birthday too. =]
Anyway.. todaayyy.. my uncle and step-aunt got me a huge card with $20. [are you counting? that's $100 so far] =P
And my uncle also gave me the cutest little stuffed animal puppy who plays the music on my iPod. I just plug the wire into the headphone jack, press play, and he lights up and wags his tail while playing the music. He's so cute! Haha.
And according to Lauren, she's getting me The Almost's Southern Weather [yay], and something else that she won't tell me? Yeah.. and my friend Becca's card should be coming in the mail this week. =]]

So wow, my birthday was freaking awesome. I haven't been that happy since.. a long time. I love it. =]

[and hey, since I'm 14 now, I'm legally old enough for Myspace. haha.]

Doctors are EVIL

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 20:34:41 GMT

For real.
I went for a physical today, because my high school needs it.
And they gave me a shot. =[[
But I was brave and I didn't cry. =P
So they gave me a band-aid with Snoopy on it. [a.k.a Becky's husband]
=]

Oh, and.
I need glasses. =/

best freaking live video, ever..

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 22:11:49 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM_tdk8urrI

And I was there!
Allllllll the way in the front.
With Beckish. =]
Good times.

What's wrong with the world today?

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 00:04:59 GMT

I've been asking myself that question a lot lately, and I've finally settled on an answer. Well, three actually.

[This will be quite lengthy. I'll apologize now.]

My first answer focuses on people who are having doubts, and just not feeling close to God. People like.. me.
these people who have been Christians possibly all their lives, suddenly feel empty when it comes to praising God the way they should. They can't praise Him, because as much as they want to, there's something there. Something distracting them, or keeping them from it. Now let's say this is you. Then let's say.. at youth group for example.. they'll play one of your favorite praise or worship songs. You glance around the room, seeing everyone clapping their hands and feeling God. Everyone but you. Now see, usually youth group is the highlight of your week. But this time, something doesn't feel right. You feel weird and alone.
Even outside of church, You have a pretty busy life. School, sports, extra-curriculars, music, friends. In the past, you would do daily devos. But suddenly, God seemed last on your to-do list. You want to feel close to God again, but you just don't know how. You keep going back to youth group because you think that everything would eventually just go back to normal. But nothing changes. Then your youth pastor tells you all to spend 15 minutes alone with God, one-on-one. But ypu just sit there, unable to concentrate. All of a sudden the only thing in your thoughts are school, and your own problems. For as long as you can remember, you've never felt this way. So what's up? Surely there has to be something wrong with you. So what is it?
Nothing.
Sometimes, things get in the way of our relationship with the Lord. We still love him, but we feel as if something's wrong with us, because we're falling short. But the fact of the matter is, we ALL fall short.
"For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23
So what do we need to do? Allow God back into our everyday lives, and then try our hardest to keep him there. In other words, spend less of your free time in front of the computer, or the tv, or your cell phone. Take some time out to study the Bible and pray. At first, you won't feel all that different. But then one day, you go to youth group and pray again with your friends, just sit quietly for a bit and just listen.. give God your full attention. You'll feel the difference. He will feel real to you. God never left you. You were the one who got distracted and pushed God to the side. Make sure that God is number 1 on your priority list.
This is a lesson I have yet to learn.

My second answer is.. the youth of this time.. are so.. ugh. It saddens me.
Just the other day, I was talking to a friend who had added one of my church friends on myspace. She said to me in school. "Hey, I added that friend of yours. She's super-religious. In her blog she's like, 'God cleanse, me.' I mean come on, that's so weird." She said all of this in such an obnoxious way with a snarky attitude. [snarky attitude.. Dane Cook.. haha] I felt angry. I just ignored her, but all that week her words haunted me. I mean, if she thinks this of one of my best friends, what kind of example am I being? What kind of light? A terrible one, I would say.
So what part of this don't we get?
We have to be a light shining in the darkness.
We have to be an example.
We have to go out and preaching the Gospel, making disciples of all nations. [Matthew 28:19]
Or doing the next best thing.. playing in a band for God. But then we have to be careful of doing so much for God, that we don't have enough one-on-one time for him. But that's another topic for another day.
So what's up with that? I'll tell you. We're scared. Of what? Of what people will think of us. Whether we'll be accepted. Whether people will listen, or whether they'll think we're some kind of weirdo religious person. It doesn't matter. Look at Jesus. People hated him for what He did in his ministry. They hated him to the point where they took him prisoner, tore his clothes off, whipped him, condemned him, spat on him while he was carrying the cross, and finally nailing him to a cross and leaving him there to die.
But then again, he rose on the third day.
So we have to be willing to take that risk. People will highly disagree with you, but isn't that one of the costs of witnessing?
All that should matter is you're doing it for God's glory. So hold your head up high and do it for Him, knowing that in the end it will pay off in Heaven.

Now for my final answer to this question.
People trying to follow Jesus are too busy trying to be perfect.
Jesus said, "Be perfect, therfore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." [Matthew 5: 48]
Many people misinterpret this verse. They think they have to be absolutley perfect. But no one is perfect, because perfection is unattainable.
When Jesus says to be perfect, he's not saying, "Don't ever make a mistake. Don't ever sin again." Of course, he doesn't want us to sin, but that's not the point here. The point is, he's saying that following him is a way of life. It may include some commandments, but it's ultimately about abundant life in him, and most importantly, love. Lving our neighbors, as well as our enemies. As hard as that may be.
Jesus is saying, "Yes, you need to take the life of discipleship seriously. But don't forget, it's not about the rules. It's about love. So enjoy yourselves!"

And those were my answers. Hopefully, you agree, and they've helped you in some way or another.

My God, what a world you love.

more poems?

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 16:17:25 GMT

oh yes.
well, one more.

Death is my war

You're killing me,
Just bury me.
Lower me down in a casket,
Down into my grave,
So I can lay in peace
Next to your bleeding heart.
Let the rest burn in hell!
Let everything else die!
This is not your war.
The battle has already been won.
Victory is dead.
It has died along with me.
Your joy is my pain.
Your love is my hate.
Your life is my death.

skillsz.
=]]]

Friday, January 19, 2007

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 18:58:21 GMT

it snowed yesterday.
and then again this morning.
it made me happyyyyy. =]

and then i was talking to Macu on aim last night, and i read some of his poems that he sent me and all of a sudden i got inspired to write some stuff. poetry. so i did. i wrote 2 poems.
i'll post them. enjoy.

Fleeing To Your Own Fate

You're scared.
You're running out of things to say.
You're running to place where you think you'll stay,
But you only run straight into the arms of your murderer.
Try your very best not to scream.
Try your very best not to cry.
You're crying out to God.
You brought this upon yourself.
It's too late for me to try and save you,
Too late for you to apologize.
I'm sorry, my dear.
I tried once before to save you,
But I failed you.
All I can do is stand here and watch,
Watch you as you die,
In the arms of your murderer.
Now hear me as I cry,
"I love you and goodbye."

Wishing Words Don't Come True

Emotions are decieving.
My guilt will kill me faster than my words ever could.
My heart fills with shame as the oceans whisper, "You're dead.."
And I yell, "Take her down to the depths!"
As for you, your heart stabs me in the back, then I'll try not to lose you,
But this poison will be my last attempt at dying.

Special thanks to: Macu aka "my partner in crime" for helping me write the second one.

=]

Welcome back to Xanga, Lyanne.

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 21:45:19 GMT

yeah. basically after that last entry, i got scared and told myself [no, i made it a rule] that i wouldn't come back on Xanga ever again. but i'm pretty good at "breaking the rules".

anywayy.. update? yes. Christmas and New Years.. not so great for me. i just wasn't in the mood for it at all. mainly because nothing can ever come close to the amazing Christmas back in '05.
and New Years back in the very beginning of '06.
great and amazing times with my best friends. =]
but on a lighter note..
i'm feeling much better about the rough patches with my friends. they're all better now. =]
AND i got an iPod! Silver. Nano. BE JEALOUS. haha.
it's my baby. i heart it so very much. i shall never lose it. [that's not a rule, it's a commandment]
=P

basically, i'm feeling wayyy better than i was before. thank God.
i LOVE my friends.

:: edit ::

I can't believe I forgot to say this.. gosh I'm an idiot. But..

Happy 16th birthday, Becky!!
ily!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 20:33:20 GMT

i really want to delete that last entry. i wish i had never written it in the first place. i don't know what i was thinking. i'm an idiot. but being the stupid website that this is, it won't let me delete it.

So I finally now realize..

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 03:08:50 GMT

that I'm a lot like a certain person who means SO much to me. more than they'll ever know. i'm a lot like that person because, along with her, when I'm talking about something that is particularly either important to me, or something really personal, (or even just some problem of mine) i can never get right to the point. i like to dodge it.. a lot. so most of the time, i end up rambling about some thing.. until i just think, "this is pointless. i know i'll never get the guts to say this anyway, so what's the point?" and then that's just it. this applies especially to a time where if i'm talking to someone directly. (in person) every time, i can't look them in the eye. i can't look at them while i'm talking to them. so i end up looking at the floor, or the ceiling, or possibly, i end up looking straight behind the person. that's my problem. and then by the time i finish "telling" them, they try to help me, and they tell me what i need to hear. but since i don't want to hear that, i just don't pay attention. and i "tell them to leave." so basically, i contradict myself. and then i go home, feeling no better than what i did before i told the person. and then in this certain cirumstance, i go home, and go on the computer. and i say to myself, "suck it up, and go tell the person that you have the problem with." so i go tell them, but i don't tell them everything. and then i get off topic. kinda like just now..

(this WILL be lengthy. so i apologize now.)

anyway. back to what i was originally saying. i am a lot like this person. really. she means so much to me, mostly because i can really relate to her. she once said in a blog that if someone hurts her, then she all of a sudden can't trust anyone else. and she can't trust herself. so let me tell the whole world, i am exactly like that. pretending that everything is fine, that i don't have this pain and this burden inside me. so i fool everyone, up to the point where i even fool myself. and then i find myself building these walls to "shelter" myself from the pain, the anger. then those same walls end up making me isolate myself. because i don't want anything like this to ever happen again. and the one door that i put in there, is the one that i open to all the wrong people, at all the wrong times. and hey, that's bad, right? well duhh. so, me, being myself, have noticed that some of the things i do, my friend does/has done that too. i mean, she's such a great person. and such a great friend. there's no one better person that i could ask for as a friend. she's simply amazing. i love her so much, she's like the older sister i never had. and even though i haven't seen her in forever and a half, i still feel like i like.. connect with her. in some weirdo way. and now, i can't talk to her. and i hate it. SO FREAKING MUCH. because i've told her why, every reason why, and now she hasn't replied.. and i'm the kind of person who needs a reply right away. so now, she hasn't even said a word to me in the past week besides "hi", and "bye." and then, i can't help but think that the longer i go without talking to her, then there goes that relationship. that'll be the end of that. i don't want that. she means so much to me, and the thought of losing that friendship.. i can't even think of it. it makes me so sad. i can't even bear to think it. i can't trust myelf anymore. and i can't do anything. i need someone to at least make the effort to care, to pay attention. but the more they try, the more i push them away. then the more i deprive myself from what i need.. what i need to live. and i just now realize that. i'm in a rut. and i need an escape route. only, there is none. there's just a void, with no way out. (see? there i go, wandering from the "point" of this whole thing..) so to my friend, (which by now, you should know who you are, i've given plenty of clues): i want you to know that i love you so much. you are an amazing person. i miss you, and i hate not talking to you. so hopefully, if you're not mad at me, you'll at least leave me some kind of reply-message thing. i hope. and finally, i'm sorry. really really sorry. so here's a little quote from the DP song Glass In The Trees..for you. which sort of applies to what they're doing in church.. changing things. trying to "erase" the memories. well i have a great memory, so they aren't going anywhere.

" I'll try and make it up to you.
I'll try and make it up to you.

They've cut down the trees to try to forget you.
But I took a vow to never forget you.
If you're still here, then we're waiting.
They've cut down the trees to try to forget you.
But I took a vow to never forget you.
If you're still here, then we're waiting.

We'll wait for you to come back home to the broken little foes.
Until the guilt grows and grows.
When the time that's wasted comes back to haunt me.
And I'll deserve every bit, 'cause I'm not spiritual yet.
I'm just reading the lines they gave me from the pulpit.
And it's not fading off, we remember the years.
As we sift through the laughter to find all the tears.
And I'm not worthy of grievance, I did nothing to prevent this.
And standing at your grave, I could have caused this."

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